im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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