Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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