I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Randomize
