Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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