And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
