I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
