we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
