I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
