the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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