i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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