It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
