It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
