As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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