I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
