Pants 0. Shit 1.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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