She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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