They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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