There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
