K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
