You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
