he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
