I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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