i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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