Don't make out with my wife yet
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
