she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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