just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I wish I only lived at night.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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