fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
