Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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