I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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