We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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