So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
