I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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