I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
