A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
