I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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