im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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