You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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