fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
