I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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