First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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