remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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