what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
