i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
