im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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