You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
