threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
