The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
