Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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