My Higher Power is John Stamos
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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