I'm gonna have a badass scar
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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