Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize