this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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