ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just forgot I was standing up.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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