Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I did not marry a roomba.
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