Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
