yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
