my phone needs a breathalizer
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I DEMAND FORESKIN
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
