At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
