Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
