did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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