her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
