u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
