those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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