I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show youâ€
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
