I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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