Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
