you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
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