Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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