Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
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Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
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He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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