i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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