Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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