this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize