I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
