He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
